check out this periodic table
I have made a lot of bad jokes but this is still probably my greatest hit
I can’t go to parties because I turn into a pumpkin at midnight
if someone calls you a slut, break their fucking neck without even hesitating or saying a single word and as they lay there on the ground dead, lean down close to their corpse and whisper
“slut means the end in swedish”
this is the most popular post i’ve ever made and its still fuckin going and i am GLAD
We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive.
when referring to people, use “glitch” instead of “bitch”. call them glitches. say theyre being glitchy. not only do you get to avoid using a misogynistic slur, you can also imply that their negativity is an anomaly in the web grid of your life and thus needs to be patched
I REALLY LIKE THIS ACTUALLY
"She got pregnant with another man, then asked me to be the godfather."
harry potter is adopted by sirius
Orphan is the New Black
Blossom had no chill
OHHH TELL ME WHATCHA WANT WHATCH REALLY REALLY WHAT (ill tell ya what i want what a really really want) I wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna really really really wanna see non-offensive representation of asexuals, bisexuals and trans people in todays media
everyone in harry potter treated luna like she was crazy for believing in weird shit like they didn’t go to wizard high school